Calmer Waters Ahead...Hopefully

The waters may be calming, but then again maybe they're not.


So much is difficult to determine when it comes to Jon lately. He has days, maybe even weeks, where everything seems fine...and then...well...he is the opposite of fine.


He is struggling with loss, the fragility of life, the uncertainties of the future.  Combined, these things have been creating havoc in his mind.  Culminating this week in a full blown panic attack that landed him in the critical care area of the ER until his vitals were in the acceptable range again.


In addition, he is still presenting blood in his urine two and a half months after his kidney stone and his mind has ample reason to create negative scenarios.  


I was hoping the CT scan would reveal a reason for the blood...not for me as I have a rational mind and know that there are several benign reasons for this.  But for Jon, to put his irrational mind at rest.


Results revealed that there is no residual stone and so the cause of the blood remains a mystery.  He has already completed a course of antibiotics and so, without a clear reason, the only course of action is to wait...and retest the urine in a couple months.


Meanwhile he has been put on antidepressants to alleviate the panic symptoms and has some Valium in case another serious panic attack rears its ugly head.  But so far, he hasn't needed that...thankfully.