Just Getting This Off My Chest (AKA Conflict Resolution)

"He cut in front of me in line."
"She won't share the ball with me."
"They won't let me play."

We, as teachers hear these things every day all...the...time!

And I just cringe whenever I hear a teacher respond by saying, "stop tattling" or "don't tattle".  

Kids have very little ability to resolve conflicts on their own and I believe part of a teacher's job is to coach students in handling everyday conflicts.  

So when a child says to me, "she won't share with me."  What I hear is, "teacher, this really bothers me and is making me sad and I'm not sure what to do."

This is actually the perfect teachable moment.  

The following is the protocol I use

- cool off (if needed) Sometimes, a cooling off period is necessary before any communication can take place.  I have found this happens very infrequently, but it is still a vital part of the protocol.
- The upset child states the issue.   
- The other child listens and paraphrases what the first child thought the issue was
- Then the second child states their point of view
- The upset child listens and paraphrases what the second child said
- This continues until both children think they have been heard
- Brainstorm ideas
- Reach a solution

It is important that the children speak to each other and make eye contact with each other.  I am only there to teach them conflict resolution skills and communication skills I am not the one who will solve the issue...I am only there to help them solve the issue.  

This works well with students of all ages...and, in my opinion, this or something similar should be used by all teachers to help students resolve conflicts.  No class time needs to be used for this but the teacher may have to sacrifice a lunch or recess period to mediate these conflicts and the time it takes can range anywhere from 5 minutes to 20 or more minutes - but usually somewhere in between.  

Maybe, just maybe, if more teachers would take the time to mentor the students in conflict resolution skills, bullying and physical altercations in school would be much less. It will never be completely eradicated, but I believe it would make a huge difference.



There was a situation at a local high school last month that has just recently "gone viral"in our area. It involves a cell phone video that captures a boy repeatedly punching another boy in the back of the head in the school cafeteria.  

This beating went on for over a minute and was only ended when another student intervened which begs the question; where was the teacher supervision?  

Well, apparently, there was a teacher present...and the student did approach the teacher for help...the teacher's response is a shock!  Apparently, the teacher's exact words were,"I'd like to hit that kid over the back of the head, but I can't.  If you hit him, I'd make my way over there slowly to break it up."    

If this is true, this person has no business being a teacher.  He/she just missed a very teachable moment.

C.J. - practice this and you will be a successful teacher

***All images from google***