That Which Could Make You Rethink Everything You've Ever Thought

This post is a little uncomfortable to write as it focuses on some difficulties I've had for the past few months. But, the truth is, it's my real and everyday life and I don't write this blog to hide behind a facade and pretend to be someone I'm not.  If anything, I pray that these past few months can stand as a testimony of God's grace and mercy even though it highlights my shortcoming in trusting His plan for my life.  

Moving across country is not easy and it is certainly not cheap so when I decided to make the move from Wisconsin back to Florida to be near my family, it took a lot of consideration and deliberate financial planning.  When it came time to move, I had enough money put away to pay the actual moving expenses, to pay my rent for a year, and to sustain us (groceries, monthly expenses, etc,) for a year.  My part time job at Universal provided us with a little extra spending money to enjoy things such as weekday passes to Disney, Orlando Magic games, Lightning games, and an occasional dinner out.

I began looking for a teaching job sometime around April or May.  I concentrated on Charter Schools and Christian Schools thinking (now I know inaccurately) that it would be easier for me to get a job there without a Florida teaching license. I was very excited when I was hired by Kids Community College in the middle of July.  I immediately gave Universal my two week's notice that I would be converting to a seasonal employee and put in my last day there on July 28th in an anticipation of an August 1st starting date for teaching.  

But I did not start on August 1...nor on August 2nd...not the 3rd, or 4th, or 5th. Surely by the 8th I thought I would be able to start but...no...not the 9th either, or the 10th, or the 11th!  By this time, I had been sitting at home for two weeks without earning any money.  On the 11th we learned that it would be at least 30 business days before they would even consider issuing me a license - and school was beginning on the 15th.   We had to think outside the box and I was hired as a long term sub which meant I would be making much less money than my contract pay would be and that I would also not be eligible for any benefits such as paid days off.  

And that's where I started...as a long term sub...on August 15th.  Since we get paid on the 1st and the 15th, and since I had not put in any hours prior to the 15th, I had to wait until September 1st before I got paid.  By that point I had spent about 5 weeks without earning any money!  It killed me!  

September was a very tense month for me as I struggled to catch up on bills and then had the added stress of the unpaid Labor Day holiday and an afternoon that I had to go home after randomly losing my entire voice!!! There was one particular day when I was felling so upset that it resulted in my son starting a GoFundMe page so we could survive the month.  While this was particularly embarrassing for me, it led to realize that God puts friends in our life so that you have them to lean on in times like this.  Several of my son's friends gave money as well as mine and, to this day, I still thank God everyday for their generous gifts when I needed it most.  
Unfortunately, God did not have plans to ease my struggles.  At the end of September, when I was expecting to receive my teaching license, I instead received a denial.  It turns out that, while I applied for an elementary teaching license (K-8), my transcripts (my original degree) was for Early Childhood Education (PreK -3).  I was faced with two choices...apply for an Early Childhood license, or send my updated transcripts that proved I qualified for an Elementary license.  Either option required another $75.00 application fee and ANOTHER 30 business day waiting period.  As you can imagine, I was DEVASTATED!!!  

I chose to apply for the Early Childhood license and began the waiting game all over again.  Meanwhile, we had a hurricane which canceled schools for 2 days and while my co-workers were giddy with excitement, I was cursing the fact that this would be another 2 days without pay!!  And, sure enough, on the last Friday in October, I was scrounging my house for change and borrowing my son's available $4.00 so I could put gas in my car.  It was on this day that I screamed at God, "why are you continuing to punch me in the gut?"  And I heard the response, "because I want you on your knees."  

So that is where I went.  To my knees.  Two days later, I was issued my teaching license.  I wish I could say that that was where my struggles ended.  We still live paycheck to paycheck with nothing left over for anything extra.  I have lost 15 pounds since August and now weigh less than I've weighed in almost 20 years. I feed my son...I feed my dog...I sometimes starve.  For the first time in my life I know what it feels like to go hungry because I am just not eating enough food.  

BUT

I am hopeful things are looking up.  I just got a second job tutoring which will provide us with hopefully an additional $400.00+ a month.  Also, next month we will be moving to a one bedroom apt (same complex) which will save an additional $300.00 a month on rent.  

One thing I have learned is that God has not let me fall.  And He never will as long as I trust in Him.  

...more to come.