Looks Can Be Deceiving

This is evidenced by the way our weather looked yesterday.

Looks gorgeous out doesn't it...but in reality, it was only about 35* outside at this point - which was about noon.

Yeah, so let's not re-hash my feelings about this weather...the pictures are merely to back up my point of this post.

Sometimes...looks can be deceiving.

I need to begin this post with my beliefs...which may be different than those of others.  I am well aware of that. 

First, I believe in God and I believe in Jesus.

I also believe in Satan

I believe that the Bible is the true word of God and the road map by which we should live out lives.

I believe that each of us was created with a purpose and a plan for our life.


I say all this because I also believe that God has amazing and great plans for my son's life...so amazing, in fact, that Satan is trying his best to interfere!

If one were to visit my house on any day you would see a happy, personable, kind, and helpful young man.

 If you were to have a conversation with him, you would, no doubt, leave thinking he is a sweet, intelligent and charismatic person.

But looks can be deceiving...

Jon struggles with the inner demons of depression and anxiety. 

Most days, these demons remain unnoticed by those around him because he either does a good job of covering them up or they lie dormant waiting for a weakness before they attack him.

But eventually, and usually during a time of weakness for him, those demons will surface and attack leaving him feeling worthless, hopeless, and unhappy.

Such a difficult thing for a mother to watch.  What I want to do is hug and kiss him and make it all better for him. Like when he was little.

And things were simple

But now, at 20, he has entered a new phase of life.  A phase where sometimes "tough love" is the best thing you can do for them...even though it is the hardest for you.

This is the situation we found ourselves in a couple weeks ago.

It started as a normal Monday (and thank goodness I have off on Mondays) as I was taking the boys to school.   I knew even before we got in the car that he was not in a good mood but I was chalking it up to a possible lack of sleep.  He tends to, if he has a test or project, leave it to the last minute and then pull an all-nighter to get it finished.  So, that is what I thought had happened. 

But halfway to his school he began talking about those same feelings of depression, worthlessness, and "nothing to look forward to in life."  He says things like..."Life would be better if I wasn't here."

Even though I know he would never do anything drastic like attempt to take his own life because, maybe thank goodness, he fears death...I finally had felt the time was right to take drastic measures. 

My boy...who has soooo much in his future to look forward to, should not have to live with these feelings.

So instead of school, I drove him to the ER and requested he be admitted for inpatient treatment.  Because he is over 18, and because he was not considered a threat to himself, he had to agree with it but he did not fight it...even though I know he wasn't happy about it.

We spent the entire morning in the ER going through intake information and drug testing before going up to the behavioral health unit.  This is the point that my heart broke...it was nothing like I expected.

In his room was only two beds and two nightstands.  There was no T.V. and he was also not allowed to have his computer or phone.  We toured the whole floor before I left to go home while a nurse finished paperwork with him.  As I left, my little boy was sitting his bed, shoulders hunched over, and crying.  The nurse who led me to the door (you have to be buzzed in and out of the unit) warned me that 90% of voluntary patients do not make it through the first day and that, more than likely, he will ask to be discharged sometime that day.

I went back that evening during visiting hours, bringing clothes and pajamas for him but fully expecting him to be coming home.  Instead, I found him in the common area doing word searches and sudukos and quite content to stay and see what they had to offer him.  I stayed for three hours that night as he and I worked on a puzzle together, did a crossword puzzle, and talked.

The next night I came back and he actually thanked me for bringing him there.  We had a great talk and then he fell asleep for about 1/2 hour because he had just been put on some new medication.  We also participated in group therapy that night which was so great!

Hospital hallway on the way for a visit

By day three, when I arrived for visiting hours, he was playing Trivial Pursuit with another patient and had decided he was ready to come home.

Whew...this is probably the longest post I have ever written.

Anyway, back to how this post began.  Medication is okay... and he is taking a couple of them right now.

But the root of this evil is Satan...and his attempt to interfere with God's amazing plans for my son.  We have also been introduced to a man who does inner healing.  We need to rid his body....this household...of Satan.  Of the one who wants him to believe he is worthless and life isn't worth living...the one who whispers to him when he is weak and tries to convince him that he is not worthy.

The one who is STANDING IN THE WAY of God's plans for him!!!!! 

We are going to get through this and claim this victory for GOD.