The Summer of Nothing

That about sums up this summer which explains my lack of updating. Nothing to do - nowhere to go - and, most frustrating, no money at all.


Okay, so is hasn't been quite that bad - in fact, despite the fact that my paychecks stopped on June 20th, Zack and I have been to countless movies this summer (Shrek, Toy Story, Karate Kid, Avatar(twice), Marmaduke). Also, I was able to see Twilight with Carey, and we got to see the Newsboys at Lifefest in July.


But, other than that, the only highlights have been trips to the dog park and a visit from my mother for 10 days. Even the trips to the dog park had to be stopped for awhile due to excessive rain which caused a very muddy park. And when you have a dog that 1). becomes deaf the minute you enter the park (really, he listens great at home but not there!) and 2). will find every puddle no matter how small it is and 3). decides he NEEDS to lie down in said puddle... well, you get the idea. It leads to many baths followed by having to clean out the bathtub and doing a load of laundry... yeah.... just not worth it!


So, this summer has been kind of a bust... I feel like all I do is watch T.V., read, or sit on my computer... I miss my older boys... and most of all, I miss the fact that I will not be going back to teaching this year. If I was going back I'd be tearing out worksheets and getting my room ready right now.


But understand, it is so much more than just not going back this year... even if I would be teaching this year... things would not be the same. I am in a "pity party" kind of state lately wishing I could turn back the clock...


I know things could be so much worse... but, at times, I just can't help it.


I feel called to do something that I don't feel my husband supports and because of that, so much has changed this summer. Now, I will not be going back to school next year to fulfill my dream of getting my masters degree. I learned a very painful lesson that my dream was just that - MY dream - selfish. When I made the decision I had honestly thought we were on the same page about it. But the truth is - we are not... so I will still homeschool (to save on tuition) and seek a nighttime job to contribute to household expenses this year and get back into the teaching hunt next year.


I'd be lying if I said this didn't hurt me.... it's one of those times I feel torn between answering the call of God ... or supporting my spouse and being obedient to his wishes. I know the hierarchy is God...spouse...family... but, is ignoring the wishes of my spouse being obedient to God? This I don't know the answer to. In the end, I can only pray for guidance and trust that God knows I am trying to make the right and the best decision.


On a brighter note, C.J. is coming home for a week the 10th-17th and even though his schedule is pretty full of fun with friends I can't wait to see him again. Two things I really hope we can do though is get up to see my grandmother and go to a Brewers game. He has been asking me for years to take him to a Brewers game and now, I am out of time... this is it! I somehow have to do it now... even if we sit in bleacher seats.... it will still be fun because we will be creating memories.


On the medical front...
Zack has been put back on Concerta and so far so good. The medication works very well for him but three years ago he lost 20 pounds in 3 months and had to be taken off... well, now he is back up in weight a bit so if he starts to lose again it won't be a big deal unless it gets excessive again.
I had the joy of getting two more teeth pulled last week - both were molars.. both were broken.. and both were infected/had absesses. In fact, since end of May I have been on antibiotics/pain medicine on an almost constant basis so it was time. Now, I have trouble eating and chewing without molars on the bottom of my mouth so I am going to need to think about some kind of reconstruction which translates into...MONEY!


The bottom line is that I am doing far too much worrying and have too much melancoliness (is that a word?) going on when I should be letting go and letting God direct my life. Since I suspect this could be a difficult month (should be going back to school) I am going to try to do just that!