Thoughts on Marriage

This has been a very challenging summer.  When you are not receiving a paycheck and are waiting on the IRS to send you $7,000.00 by mail (which still hasn't arrived) - every day seems an eternity. To say I am ready for school to begin and feel some sense of peace and purpose would be an understatement. 

Anyway, what does any of the have to do with the title of the post?  I have had a lot of time to think this summer about my "former life" also known as my "Wisconsin life" or my "married to Jerry" life.  

I had a job I absolutely LOVED (Valley Christian will probably always be my favorite place to work), I had no financial concerns, and I was surrounded by amazing friends.  Sounds great, right? 

BUT, what I didn't have was a husband who loved me.  I didn't have a partner in a committed marriage.  I had a husband who, in his own words, could "live with me."  In reality, what those words meant were - I don't really care if you're here or not. 

As the years in our marriage progressed and I found the tensions building and the happiness fading, I did everything I could think of to hold us together. I tried things I read on the internet. I acted in ways the Bible teaches us to act in a marriage. I wrote letters. I bought books and devotions to read together. I set up dates for us. And above all, I prayed. 

What I failed to realize at that time, though, is that those things only work when there are two willing parties.  Our marriage did not have that.  Once I realized I was the only one who was willing to nurture and tend to our relationship, I started looking for information on, "how can one person keep a marriage going?"  

Not surprisingly, I came up empty everywhere I turned.  One person cannot keep a relationship going. We were doomed and whatever I did from then on was useless because there was zero interest from the other party.  

I remember my mom was staying with us and I told her I was going to tell Jerry that night that I think it was time to put put a period at the end of our marriage. 

My mom was nervous, she said she didn't want be here when we were fighting or yelling.  I laughed and said, "mom, he is not going to care."  And I was right. His response, which provided a clear and succinct view into his callous and disinterested heart was simply, "OK." 

And that was it.  It was over.  

Reminiscing about my life in Wisconsin is so melancholy. Everything about life there was so wonderful - except my marriage. I wish to God I could have changed that......................

Life Lately

So...blogging more over the summer is not happening.  It's fine though because I think the only people who read this are my mother and my son.  LOL.


A couple weeks ago I decided to follow the Matthew 18 principle and sent an email to the owner of our charter and I am so glad I did.  Amazing things happened and I have a new job on the horizon.  I will discuss all those details in another post. 

Last night, I walked into the kitchen and found this.........

Um...speechless.  

Awhile back, when I still had money, I paid for Zack to enter a Super Smash Bros tournament in Daytona Beach.  He went last year when it was in Orlando and enjoyed it so I offered to pay for him to go this year as well.  Obviously, he goes without any intention of winning but just to enjoy the atmosphere.  An added bonus this year was the opportunity to play the Ultimate game coming out in December for the Switch. 

My parents live about 20 minutes from Daytona so we packed up the car and took a little trip north to stay with them for a couple of days.  

The first day of the tournament (Friday), I decided to drive A1A and take in the ocean view even though it added about 15 minutes onto the trip.  It was an absolutely gorgeous morning.

image from google

The tournament was at the Ocean Center in Daytona Beach

Image from google

In the end, Zack spent about 5 hours there on Friday and about 4 hours there on Saturday.  The event was open on Sunday too but we needed to get home because I didn't want to leave Sadie home another night.  He did manage to win his first match so he was excited about that.  

And that's about it.  I am putting in a lot of hours at Huntington this summer - or so it seems that way.  They call me just about every day to pick up a shift but it's usually only for 2 hours.  On Wednesday, I will begin putting in my 4 seasonal days at Universal.    

Throwing it Back Thursday

I took these pics from a friend's FB post a while ago now and just keep forgetting to share them.

I'd say circa 2009 or 2010 - some dress up days from Valley Christian High School

And I have to add this one of the Spanish teacher - cuz hilarious!!!!

And Then ----It All Went So Wrong

6 periods---0 goals

Enough said

What a waste of talent

And Finally They Got it Right

And finally, in game three, the players showed up for the whole game and pulled out a 4-2 win.  

I still believe the Lightning are the better team. They have more experience and more talent - but those things do not matter if you don't play with heart.  

Now all they need to do is keep it rolling...

Then There Was the Game The Players Showed Up for the First Period and Left Early

My kids will be the first to tell you that I am a pessimist when it comes to sports.  If my team is down by the least bit - it's over! 

Some may look at this as a fair weather fan ~ I prefer to say that I am "mentally preparing myself for the worst outcome."  LOL.

That being said, when it comes to the Lightning ~ it's over!!!  They are down 2-0 going out on the road.  I'd have a little more hope or positivity if they had shown up for more than just 2 of the last 6 periods of play but, as it stands now, they will get swept in four.  

You recall that on Friday they were physically present but mentally absent for the first two periods of the game.  Yesterday, it was the opposite.  They were only mentally present in the 1st period where they built a 2-1 lead.  Then they physically took the ice leaving their brains in locker room and let Washington score 5 unanswered goals in the 2nd and 3rd periods.  

Again, some may call me a fair weather fan...I don't see it that way.  I'm still a fan...I still back them...I still root for them.  It's just hard to watch the underachieving that goes on with such a talented team and not feel frustrated.  

That Lightning Game We Went to Where the Players Didn't Show Up

Last night, CJ had three tickets for the first game of the Eastern Conference Finals.  His dad did not want to go so I got picked as the replacement.  

I was slightly skeptical because I have been a spectator for three Lightning losses this year - out of the four games I attended!!! That is not a great record.  

We got there early, the pregame festivities were in full swing, the crowd was enthusiastic and rowdy. Everything was going so great -----and then the game started!  

I'm not sure what to say except that it was the worst period of hockey I have ever seen played ----by any team.  TWO shots on goal says it all.  

Second period I spent out in the hall area convinced that I was the curse causing the wretched play.  However, that myth was debunked when the Capitals  got two more goals while the Lightning only managed 8 more shots on their end.  

I returned to my seat for the third period.  And suddenly, the players realized they were playing a hockey game!  They did score 2 goals in the 3rd and made 15 shots.  

It's only game one ----and they lost game one against New Jersey and Boston and still came back and won the series...so all hope is not lost.  But after making the ECF three out of the last four years and with only 1 Stanley Cup appearance (which was a loss to Chicago), it would be extremely disappointing to lose here.