This Is Who I Am ---Like It Or Not

I have had many mixed feelings on how much to share about our family situation.  I really don't feel like opening up and sharing all our issues with the online world...but, then again, this is my blog and, like it or not, this is my life...this is my reality...this is who I am!

I am a twice divorced woman...it stings me to the core every time I say that.  The past three months have been spent reconciling who I am because I now am someone I never wanted to be.  

I feel as if I am on a constant roller coaster of emotions teetering between feeling excited about our future in Florida and feeling ashamed and embarrassed about my current situation .  My feelings waffle between being happy that my son is now out of that situation and being downright angry and wanting answers.


There are times that I feel strong and can feel the love and peace of God surrounding me and then, out of the blue, I'll get hit with feelings of sadness that I could not make our marriage work - and believe me - I tried!!!

I get up in the morning, go through the motions of the day, and put on a happy face because that is what people want.  People are kind and ask me how things are going but...let's be honest...all they want to hear is that things are fine so that is what I say. Honestly, no one wants to stand around for fifteen minutes listening to you lament about how your life has gotten off track and how you're angry, sad, afraid, but yet happy and excited at the same time.  

I'm pretty sure all these feelings are normal in this situation but they are not welcome in my life.   

So...that is where I am now.  Trapped between two separate entity of feelings depending on the day, hour, or even the minute. Enjoying leisurely walks with the dog while I have quiet time with God and trust Him to help me work through these feelings and restore me! 

I will survive!!