Brayden

 After losing my mom, my dad, and Ollie in a matter of 46 days, things around our house were pretty depressing.  Our lives were littered with sadness and, to a degree, anger.  Nothing could ever replace Ollie, but I felt that we needed some happiness and joy in our lives so I started looking for another dog. 

After several dead ends (mentioned briefly in previous post), I stumbled upon a lady about two hours from here who had mini-goldendoodles for sale and she was only charging $650 for a puppy.  

We talked on the phone briefly and she sent some pictures of the litter.  I forwarded them to Zack and let him pick.  There was a white one that resembled Ollie which is the one I thought he'd pick, but he surprised me and picked this one.

This was in mid-January and the puppies, who were born on December 17, 2024, were not available until mid-February.  The wait seemed endless, but we were finally able to pick him up on Friday, February 14. 

Brayden's gotcha day.  My plan was to put him in this bowtie collar for a picture, but we seriously underestimated his size and it was way to huge for him.  So here is Zack holding the collar so we could at least get the picture I dreamed of. Haha.

He also had hair covering his eyes and I don't know how the poor thing could even see well,  

so I quickly cut the hair away from his eyes.

Brayden was a dream puppy from the beginning (as was Ollie).  There was no whining or separation anxiety.  From the first night he went in his kennel without any whining and barking (about 9:30) and slept until 7:15 the next morning. 

He very quickly became attached to us.  Right now, he is very fearful of strangers.  If we are on a walk and he sees someone, his tail will go down and he will stop, turn around, run back to us, and sit at our feet. I do not want this.  I want a friendly dog, so I will usually pick him up and let the people pet him so he knows people are nice. 

He is also a very fast learner.  He does not usually have accidents anymore as long as we take him out every 2-3 hours during the day or after he wakes up from a nap.  I became real strict with him about his puppy bites. It only took one night and he no longer nips at me at all (Zack is still working on this with him).  He understands, "no" and will stop and look at me when I yell it.  Haha

He had his first (first with me) vet visit on March 3 and he was 10 pounds.  He got his second round of puppy shots, some heartworm pills, and some flea medication.  The vet said he will probably end up being between 30-35 pounds. 

He needs to grow into his car seat.  

We are having so much fun with him and he has brought so much joy into our house.  

The Grief Train

 To inject some kind of light-heartedness into our situation, I like to say that the grief train paid us a visit and just will not leave!  

My post on the worst day ever...I never would have thought we'd have two more just like it. 

Just 23 days after losing my dad, I was in my classroom on a Monday morning when I got a call from my sister. I happily answered my phone only to hear her say, "mom's gone".  I have to admit, my first thought was, 'gone where?' so I asked, "what do you mean?" She just said, "she's gone, Judy.  I don't know what happened. But they found her this morning." And my life came apart.  I kept my composure until we hung up and then, well, I've never cried so hard in my whole life.  Thank God my kids were in Art and not in my room.  My loud wails drew the attention of the teachers across the hall (who were also childless at the time) and they came in and listened and hugged me as I wailed over and over again the words, "both of them - they're both gone?"  One of them went to get our principal and somehow I got myself together so I could leave my room and my kids could come back from Art.   I then drove home crying the whole way. 

The strangest thing and the thing that gives me the most peace, is that on Sunday evening she made a post on Facebook saying that she could hear my dad in his "mancave."  I truly believe she did.  God tells me, "she wanted him, I sent him, and she wanted to go with him."  

I have this image of my dad in his mancave, looking young and handsome holding out his hand to my mom.  She grabs it and becomes her young and beautiful self, and they walk off together.  

And while we are left devastated, they are as happy as can be. 

As if that wasn't enough, 23 days after that, we had to put our wonderful, amazing, and best dog in the world to sleep.  Two weeks ago today, he ran across that rainbow bridge and jumped into my mom's arms.  I knew the time left with our sweet boy was getting short, but I was hoping for a couple more months to let our hearts heal a little.  But God had other plans and made it clear that it was his time. 

I've been on a grief roller coaster. Sometimes I am absolutely fine and temporarily forget about things, but then there are days when I can hardly breathe and the tears come easily.  There are days where my faith is strong and I whole-heartedly lean on God knowing he will lead me through this, and then there are days I just scream out, "why?" Or feel like running off somewhere and try to leave all this grief behind...but I realize that is not possible. I feel horrible that my dad gets lost in all this grief.  We knew he was not well and that he was not going to be around much longer. He had lost the ability to care for himself and had lost so much dignity, that it was a little easier to accept because he did not want to live life that way.  But my mom's death was completely unexpected.  She had a compression fracture in her back that was quite painful for her and she was losing weight, muscle mass, and getting weaker.  But never did it cross my mind that she wouldn't heal, regain her mobility and strength, and have a few more good years with us.  

I decided that we needed some happiness and joy in our life so I started looking for puppies/young dogs who needed homes.  The aways say adopt, don't shop, but after 12-15 inquiries on adoptable dogs not one single person responded.  Sadly, the animal shelters are overrun with pit bulls and pit bull mixes.  That is not my breed of choice and is a forbidden breed in my lease anyway. 

Finally, I looked at 'purebreds' for sale. Lord Almighty some of those puppies are going for $3,000 - $4,000.  I even saw a couple upwards of $8,000!  Nope and thank you!  

I hit a home-run finding a golden doodle born on December 17 for $650!  I love the poodle breed (Ollie had that as well) because the shedding is very minimal and they are good for people with allergies.  So Zack picked out our boy, named him Brayden (after Brayden Point), and I put a $200 deposit down on him. 

Meet our new family member

I can't wait to see how the cats will react. Just like in this picture, I predict Sadie will be completely unimpressed. 

Screaming From the Lion's Den

 I heard that phrase in a song a few days ago and I felt it so aptly described my situation and feelings right now. 

Screaming From the Lion's Den

I am in the darkest pit of my life right now.  Nothing I have ever experienced has even come close to this. Three huge losses in just 46 days! 

 At times I feel as if my heart is just going to break into 1000 little pieces. At times I feel physically sick.  At times I feel suffocated by the weight of this grief and unable to catch my breath.  

BUT

From this darkest pit, I raise my voice to heaven knowing that God has taken me there, but will not abandon me there.  He alone is holding my heart together in his hands.

He alone will slowly stitch it back together

I am "screaming from the lion's den" but JOY will come in the morning.   

Happy New Year

How many times do you hear this phrase?  

I lost both of my parents in the past few weeks so happy is not something that I am really feeling a whole lot of right now. 

In a way, today has been harder for me than Christmas was because 2025 is a year they will never see. It is one realization that life keeps moving along and we have to find a way to make a new life without them.  

Every time I see their names on anything I feel like sobbing, but seeing their names followed by the birthdate-death date indicator is like a cold slap in the face.  I stare at it and think to myself, "there is no way I am really actually seeing this."

Paul F. Olson March 20, 1935 - November 23, 2024

Mary E Olson September 14, 1940 - December 16, 2024

The shock is unreal.  

As I said to my sister, our parents were our anchor.  When my dad died, we still had half our anchor. Now, we are anchorless - flailing in the water.  

This has been the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I am grateful for my faith and family.  Without them I'd be lost.